Nar Shaddaa

Craw was enjoying a sixpack of beer in the mess hall of the turtle. He was holding an icepack on his head, and mumbling something about bugs while sipping his beverage.

Durasay entered the mess hall, coming up from the boarding ramp. He shot Craw a scowl, before opening up the cooler, and grabbing out a jug of the hooch that was distilled in the engine room from time to time. "You. Stop drinking that. Now. Switch to this." He slammed the jug down on the table, before sitting down across from his friend, his crewmate.

"I just had an interesting conversation with Kyr'ad, tonight." He poured himself a glass of the swill, and another, pushing it over to Craw. "The kind of conversation that I thought was going to lead to a gunfight in a cantina because I would have had to stand up for your honor, because no one talks poodoo about one of mine." His voice was somehow both cold and hot with rage at the same time. "Only I learned it would have been because you were mirsh solus."

"Were I another man, I'd be leveling a heavy blaster at your chest, wondering why you kept a secret like that, the kind of thing where if I mentioned I knew you to the wrong crowd, I'd be getting filled with blaster bolts. Now, we're going to sit here, and drink, and you're going to tell me all about Nai'tiri Cadera. And don't lie to me, ner vod. I'm on the fence about stunning you."

Craw had a stunned expression as Durasay walked into the room and spoke. Until he mentioned Nai, at which point Craw's expression turned into one of pure misery. In a tired voice he said. "Fuck. It's a long story, man. And it's been an even longer day." He did pick up the jug of hooch and chugged a few gulps of the burning liquid.

"We've got nothing but time." He grabbed his glass, and took a rather large sip. The liquid burned with satisfaction, causing Durasay to look away slightly, and give a small cough, before returning his gaze to Craw. "And I can guess by the name, that if Nudimsu knew that about her, I wouldn't be the only one at this table."

He leaned back in his chair, watching the Mandalorian. "So, why'd you do something as dumb as leaving a woman at the altar?"

Craw chugged some more, and slammed the jug on the table, coughing slightly and wiping his mouth. He gave a tired chuckle. "Oh man... Nudie can't know she's a chiss. He would never live it down."
He paused. His expression turning serious. "Why'd I leave her? Cause I'm a fucking dumbass... I was pretty aimless back then, before I met her. Jumping from job to job, crew to crew. No plans beyond my next paycheck, a lot like nowadays, y'know? And then I met her" His tone softened. "and I just... I had a focus. For the first time in my life. Something to center my life around. And I loved her, I really did, you gotta believe me that despite all the horrible shit I've done to her, and I keep doing to her... I love her.
And this is just my own little lie that even I barely believe, but my love for her is a reason for why I started running. Maybe she would've been better off without me? But no..."
He sighed deeply. "I... I ran because I was a coward. I was drunk and I panicked. I... I've been abandoned by the people I've loved before. It hurts. It really fucking hurts. And I was afraid that somewhere down the road... She would do that. Walk away from me, I know now that she wouldn't. That was just panic... But then I got to thinking, pre-emptive strike and everything. I'll run before she runs, and I'll hurt both of us, but I lied to myself that it'd hurt less than if she'd leave me... I know I'm wrong, now. But back then... Well I ran. Got perpetually drunk once I realised what I'd done, and I kept running. A bit out of fear... Mostly out of shame and regret."
He took the jug again, and drank deep. Once he finished, he put the jug down and in a voice that oozed regret and sadness, finished. "You know I ain't afraid of her killing me... I'm afraid of meeting her again. That... Utter look of contempt and hate I know I will receive... That'll break me... I know it will..." He fell into silence.

Leadership to INSPIRE Craw to stop being an idiot (Presence 4, Leadership 1, Command 2 (2 boosts), Enhanced Leader 1 Force die for Success/Advantages vs. 2 Willpower): 1eP+3eA+2eB+1eF+2eD 1 failure, 2 advantage, 2 Dark Side


(Flipping a destiny point, suffering 1 strain and 2 conflict, to use my 2 dark side pips as successes. Net, 1 success, 2 advantage. Using one advantage to heal the strain, the other to make Craw feel that kiss of the dark side in Durasay's voice)

Durasay listened as Craw poured his heart out. It was... a kriffing sob story? Craw, a man who he saw charge into battle, risk his own life for others, admitting to being a kriffing coward!? A blasted drunk!? Durasay narrowed his eyes, a flash of anger and rage seething through him. Reaching forwards, he grabbed the glass jug, and threw it with all his force against the wall, spilling the contents everywhere. Next came the six pack, hurled with enough force to crack the cans, a loud fizzing heard.

"Do I have your kriffing attention, Craw? Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod? You? Would toss aside the Resol'nare, because you are afraid? Because you don't want to be hurt!? No more, this stops, right kriffing now. I've watched you spiral out of control, drive yourself to a drunken stupor night after night because of some past demons. I get it, we all have them. But this? Knowing what I know now? I trust you with my life, and you can't even face that abyss that we all would, because you're afraid of being hurt! Get up, you coward!" He jumped up from his seat, grabbing Craw by his collar, and forcing him out of the chair, his back now against the wall.

"That woman loved you! And you left her, because you were afraid she would leave you!?" His eyes flashed more of that rage boiling inside, the kind of thing he didn't like to tap into, feeling that dark power swirling in his soul. "Not on this ship, and not on my crew! Let's get down to business. You have a new mission, Crusader!" His screamed in Mando'a, really wanting this to sink into his friend's skull. "You're going to stop drinking, now. You're going to face that darkness, and look for her, tell her why you left. You're going to face death, if it comes, and face it with a smile knowing you owned up to what you did. Or so help you, I will end you myself. You get me, soldier!" Each sentence his voice raised with heat and anger, and he lifted his comrade up slightly, forcing him to his tip toes, so he could see Durasay eye to eye.

"Or I'll find her, and tell her where to shoot you myself."

Craw went with Durasay, fairly unresisted. And he listened to Dur with the same complexion of grief and despair as before.
And he responded at the same volume that Dur had spoken with. "This is why I don't speak about this shit! Because the truth hurts, it crushes your spine with the power of a thousand boots and it won't give up! Even when you lie to yourself like I do, fuck, you can't avoid that shit!"
His face was red as he screamed. "I loved her, and I broke her fucking heart because I was afraid! I know! I'm fucking SCUM!" He spat out the last word with such venom and power that he had to breathe deeply before he could continue. And he did, his tone unstable and crackin, much lower than before. "I put up that act you see out there so that other people don't realise it straight away that I am, in fact, scum, and I drink to forget the guilt and the pain, but it doesn't help. It never does. I just do it because that's all I know how to do anymore." His voice trailed off to nothing at the end.
He broke free from Dur's grasp and let himself slide down the wall to the floor. "And I've been running for four years now, drinking and lying and cheating... I'm scared that, that's all I am now. Just a... A goddamn shell, made of empty beer cans and self-loathing." Tears started to run down his cheeks. "I don't know if I have the strength to face her anymore, man... Not because of death, that would be a goddamn gift compared to having to face her eyes again, after what I've done to her." He glanced up at the pantoran. "But you're right... I need to face her... Or I need to die. And I.." He looked down. "I can't do that to her. I can't not face her." He half whispered. "I've hurt her too much... She deserves to at least kill me. She deserves that much..." He was silent for a moment. "You're right Dur... I need to face her, no more running."

Durasay calmed himself, before he slid down next to his friend. He sat quiet for a moment, before he finally spoke, clapping Craw on the back "She won't kill you. Shoot you? Probably. Hit you? Definitrly. And you aren't just a shell." His words were softer, that current of guilt moving through hin.

"I told Kyr'ad that I've known no more honorable man than you. That you are my brother, and that I can count on you when it counts. I stand by that, and I always will. If you want, I'll help you find her. I'll stand by you till the end, brother." He offered a strong smile.

"You working with a bunch of blue beings isn't some kind of weird psychosexual thing, is it?"

Craw was quiet, his face in his hands for a moment. Then he, with a sharp inhale, looked up from his hands and at Dur. "...Thanks man. That means a lot to me... I haven't decided how I'm gonna approach this yet, but when I do I'll let you know... It's been a rough day."

He sighs, and gives a tired chuckle. "No, just mostly an accident. Though Nudie gave me quite the fright the first time I met him."