Reunion [Craw's Epilogue ]
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:48 pmTatooine, Mos Ila Cantina, 6 Months After Nar Shaddaa
It was a slow day. There weren't many patrons in the cantina today. A few drunks nursing their drinks at different ends of the bar, some shady dealers closing deals out of sight in the shadowy booths. Craw had arrived a few hours before, but he still hadn't touched his drink. It was non-alcoholic. Nerves he thought to himself while tracking the drips of perspiration on the glass. He wasn't wearing his armor. No weapons. He wasn't planning on fighting anything today. His heavy leather jacket was open, it was a desert planet after all. He sighed deeply, keeping his eyes on the glass.
A few heads turned as the tall Chiss in plain heavy clothing walked in. Even without the Mandalorian armor, a six foot tall woman that looked like she was an ice-sculpture from a man's fantasy tended to turn heads. Her head turned discreetly a few times as she took in the surroundings of the cantina, and while she wasn't carrying her heavy gear, there was still a very visible pistol on her hip.
Turning in at the bar first, her voice was the quiet tone she always had as she ordered something cold. She was aware of Craw, but damn... she needed something to keep her cool, to resist the urge of just dropping a thermal detonator in his direction without a second thought.
He felt like running. That familiar urge to escape death, and everything complicated. But he steeled himself. He finally took a sip of his drink, frowning when the taste hit him, then he put the glass down. And against his better judgment, cracked a joke to calm his nerves. "So, uh, you come here often?" His voice was shaky, and stressed, the hollow comedy of the joke completely missing from his drawl.
For a moment that probably felt like an eternity, she said nothing as she stared straight ahead without looking at him. She inhaled deeply before turning the crimson eyes in his direction. "No."
She took a calming sip from the cold brew. "Su cuy'gar," she said, her eyes narrowing as they leaned more on the true meaning of the words. You're still alive. "Why?"
He didn't look up at her eyes. He couldn't. Instead he kept his gaze firmly affixed to his glass. His expression was blank now, unknown thoughts coursing inside his skull. When he finally answered, his tone was dead serious. "Because you haven't killed me yet."
Another moment of silence as she composed herself, trying not to think of the easy solution on her hip. "You've been an elusive target," she stated, some irritation in her husky voice.
"But you reach out now. To apologize? To explain?"
His expression turned pained now. Still, he kept his gaze on his glass. He answered, his tone shaky again. "I'm done running. It's that simple. I gotta own up to my mistakes... And yeah... There ain't nothing I can explain. I chickened out. I fucked up. And I'm sorry Nai... I... I'm sorry."
The hand on the glass tightened, as it ripped up old emotions that now felt fresh again. "You're sorry?"
"You..." she was trembling as she stopped herself from going on a long illogical tirade of words that would amount to very little. "You left because you were scared?" It wasn't what she wanted to say, but it was the only coherent sentence she managed to get out.
He felt like shit. This was what he was scared of. Don't look up. Don't look up. He thought to himself. He answered, his tone unchanged. "I... I panicked. I got drunk that night, worse than before. And I panicked. I was afraid that... That you'd hurt me, leave me. Some day down the road, maybe the next day maybe a month after..."
His sentence trailed off as he sighed again. "I've been abandoned before. You know that. And... You gotta understand what I was feeling it was just pure panic. It made no rational sense I just... You were the best thing to ever happen to me Nai. Still are... I didn't think I could take that pain, you leaving me, if it would ever come to that. So I... I was drunk and panicked and somewhere in a wrong part of my mind I thought if I hurt both of us then, I wouldn't necessarily be hurt as much as you could have hurt me... And I... I was so wrong Nai. I know I was. And it makes me sick I ever even felt like that." He catched his breath after his tirade, and wiped something away from his eyes.
"Well, you succeeded in hurting me, Craw. You really did," Nai'tiri said, her voice tense and angry and hurt, but unspoken words said more than what she would be able to speak without saying something she would deeply regret.
"I hate you, for breaking your promise to me... for hurting me... for leaving me alone…" she sighed as she leaned forward, head hanging down in frustration. "Why should I forgive you?"
Craw was silent, for a good long while. He kept his gaze on his glass. He could feel tears running down his cheek, he wished he didn't. "I don't know." He answered in a half-whisper. "What I did... I... I don't think I deserve to be forgiven."
It wasn't often she had seen him cry, but she understood enough of what it meant. He was being sincere, at least, even if it was making her more upset.
If he didn't want to be forgiven, it eliminated the most obvious choice of why he was here, after the first one that at least was to own up to his errors. "I don't think I can... not now. I am still angry," she inhaled sharply. "But you came back, at least, to apologize. So I won't kill you."
She cursed in her native tongue as she finished her drink in one go. "You've been abandoned before, so you at least know what it must've been like for me these past years." She was slowly becoming a little more talkative. "I liked you. And I trusted you. And you made me happy. I don't think it can be like that again, Craw."
He looked up from his glass, into Nai's crimson eyes. "I broke your heart Nai. I've spent the last 4 years trying to drink myself to death, and to be honest I was sort of hoping I wasn't gonna leave this meeting alive. I know the pain I caused you and... I think I hate myself more than anything because of that. We..." He paused for a long time. "We could've been happy. But I fucked it up. And I can't even forgive myself for that."
It was unusual for her to avoid the eye-contact, but she did as she looked to the side.
"I've cried. Cursed your names to hell and back again. Blaming myself for having done something wrong, hating myself for not being better..." Nai'tiri closed her eyes. "... At first I wanted to think someone had taken you. Or some horrible joke. But, no, that wasn't the truth. And I've tried to find you. To kill you. To hear you say what you just did. And now you're here," the pitch of her voice changed slightly, "and I can't pull the trigger."
Craw kept looking at her. Tears still rolling down his cheeks. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me Nai. You really are. If I could go back in time I would shoot myself in the face before I made the decision to leave."
"Damnit, Craw."
A silent moment passed as Nai'tiri processed the situation. Then it was followed up rather abruptly with her leather-covered fist connecting with his jaw in a sucker punch. And another one.
Standing with clenched fists before him, her narrowed eyes were like thin lines of fire in contrast to the icy blue of her skin.
"... I won't kill you. But you're going to have to do better if I am ever going to forgive you."
Craw went with the hits. They knocked him off his seat and on to the floor. He wiped sway blood from his nose as he stood up. He looked her in the eyes. "I... I promise I will be better. I promise." He said, his voice sincere.
The Chiss rubbed her punching hand as she glared back at him. "Don't. Break. That. Promise."
It was a start, but she would need time to decompress on this.
Craw spoke with certainty. The shaking completely gone from his voice. "I won't. I've learned from my mistakes. I promise."
"This does not mean we're together again," she paused, "yet."
It was clear: he would be on trial-period. And he would have to work his way up again to gain her trust and confidence.
Craw's expression was half surprised half relieved. A small weak smile came over his lips. "I understand." He thought to himself Craw you lucky sonovabitch. Do not fuck this up.
It was a slow day. There weren't many patrons in the cantina today. A few drunks nursing their drinks at different ends of the bar, some shady dealers closing deals out of sight in the shadowy booths. Craw had arrived a few hours before, but he still hadn't touched his drink. It was non-alcoholic. Nerves he thought to himself while tracking the drips of perspiration on the glass. He wasn't wearing his armor. No weapons. He wasn't planning on fighting anything today. His heavy leather jacket was open, it was a desert planet after all. He sighed deeply, keeping his eyes on the glass.
A few heads turned as the tall Chiss in plain heavy clothing walked in. Even without the Mandalorian armor, a six foot tall woman that looked like she was an ice-sculpture from a man's fantasy tended to turn heads. Her head turned discreetly a few times as she took in the surroundings of the cantina, and while she wasn't carrying her heavy gear, there was still a very visible pistol on her hip.
Turning in at the bar first, her voice was the quiet tone she always had as she ordered something cold. She was aware of Craw, but damn... she needed something to keep her cool, to resist the urge of just dropping a thermal detonator in his direction without a second thought.
He felt like running. That familiar urge to escape death, and everything complicated. But he steeled himself. He finally took a sip of his drink, frowning when the taste hit him, then he put the glass down. And against his better judgment, cracked a joke to calm his nerves. "So, uh, you come here often?" His voice was shaky, and stressed, the hollow comedy of the joke completely missing from his drawl.
For a moment that probably felt like an eternity, she said nothing as she stared straight ahead without looking at him. She inhaled deeply before turning the crimson eyes in his direction. "No."
She took a calming sip from the cold brew. "Su cuy'gar," she said, her eyes narrowing as they leaned more on the true meaning of the words. You're still alive. "Why?"
He didn't look up at her eyes. He couldn't. Instead he kept his gaze firmly affixed to his glass. His expression was blank now, unknown thoughts coursing inside his skull. When he finally answered, his tone was dead serious. "Because you haven't killed me yet."
Another moment of silence as she composed herself, trying not to think of the easy solution on her hip. "You've been an elusive target," she stated, some irritation in her husky voice.
"But you reach out now. To apologize? To explain?"
His expression turned pained now. Still, he kept his gaze on his glass. He answered, his tone shaky again. "I'm done running. It's that simple. I gotta own up to my mistakes... And yeah... There ain't nothing I can explain. I chickened out. I fucked up. And I'm sorry Nai... I... I'm sorry."
The hand on the glass tightened, as it ripped up old emotions that now felt fresh again. "You're sorry?"
"You..." she was trembling as she stopped herself from going on a long illogical tirade of words that would amount to very little. "You left because you were scared?" It wasn't what she wanted to say, but it was the only coherent sentence she managed to get out.
He felt like shit. This was what he was scared of. Don't look up. Don't look up. He thought to himself. He answered, his tone unchanged. "I... I panicked. I got drunk that night, worse than before. And I panicked. I was afraid that... That you'd hurt me, leave me. Some day down the road, maybe the next day maybe a month after..."
His sentence trailed off as he sighed again. "I've been abandoned before. You know that. And... You gotta understand what I was feeling it was just pure panic. It made no rational sense I just... You were the best thing to ever happen to me Nai. Still are... I didn't think I could take that pain, you leaving me, if it would ever come to that. So I... I was drunk and panicked and somewhere in a wrong part of my mind I thought if I hurt both of us then, I wouldn't necessarily be hurt as much as you could have hurt me... And I... I was so wrong Nai. I know I was. And it makes me sick I ever even felt like that." He catched his breath after his tirade, and wiped something away from his eyes.
"Well, you succeeded in hurting me, Craw. You really did," Nai'tiri said, her voice tense and angry and hurt, but unspoken words said more than what she would be able to speak without saying something she would deeply regret.
"I hate you, for breaking your promise to me... for hurting me... for leaving me alone…" she sighed as she leaned forward, head hanging down in frustration. "Why should I forgive you?"
Craw was silent, for a good long while. He kept his gaze on his glass. He could feel tears running down his cheek, he wished he didn't. "I don't know." He answered in a half-whisper. "What I did... I... I don't think I deserve to be forgiven."
It wasn't often she had seen him cry, but she understood enough of what it meant. He was being sincere, at least, even if it was making her more upset.
If he didn't want to be forgiven, it eliminated the most obvious choice of why he was here, after the first one that at least was to own up to his errors. "I don't think I can... not now. I am still angry," she inhaled sharply. "But you came back, at least, to apologize. So I won't kill you."
She cursed in her native tongue as she finished her drink in one go. "You've been abandoned before, so you at least know what it must've been like for me these past years." She was slowly becoming a little more talkative. "I liked you. And I trusted you. And you made me happy. I don't think it can be like that again, Craw."
He looked up from his glass, into Nai's crimson eyes. "I broke your heart Nai. I've spent the last 4 years trying to drink myself to death, and to be honest I was sort of hoping I wasn't gonna leave this meeting alive. I know the pain I caused you and... I think I hate myself more than anything because of that. We..." He paused for a long time. "We could've been happy. But I fucked it up. And I can't even forgive myself for that."
It was unusual for her to avoid the eye-contact, but she did as she looked to the side.
"I've cried. Cursed your names to hell and back again. Blaming myself for having done something wrong, hating myself for not being better..." Nai'tiri closed her eyes. "... At first I wanted to think someone had taken you. Or some horrible joke. But, no, that wasn't the truth. And I've tried to find you. To kill you. To hear you say what you just did. And now you're here," the pitch of her voice changed slightly, "and I can't pull the trigger."
Craw kept looking at her. Tears still rolling down his cheeks. "You are the best thing that ever happened to me Nai. You really are. If I could go back in time I would shoot myself in the face before I made the decision to leave."
"Damnit, Craw."
A silent moment passed as Nai'tiri processed the situation. Then it was followed up rather abruptly with her leather-covered fist connecting with his jaw in a sucker punch. And another one.
Standing with clenched fists before him, her narrowed eyes were like thin lines of fire in contrast to the icy blue of her skin.
"... I won't kill you. But you're going to have to do better if I am ever going to forgive you."
Craw went with the hits. They knocked him off his seat and on to the floor. He wiped sway blood from his nose as he stood up. He looked her in the eyes. "I... I promise I will be better. I promise." He said, his voice sincere.
The Chiss rubbed her punching hand as she glared back at him. "Don't. Break. That. Promise."
It was a start, but she would need time to decompress on this.
Craw spoke with certainty. The shaking completely gone from his voice. "I won't. I've learned from my mistakes. I promise."
"This does not mean we're together again," she paused, "yet."
It was clear: he would be on trial-period. And he would have to work his way up again to gain her trust and confidence.
Craw's expression was half surprised half relieved. A small weak smile came over his lips. "I understand." He thought to himself Craw you lucky sonovabitch. Do not fuck this up.