The Talk (D4, MM Syl's Room)

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain spent a good portion of the evening contemplating what had happened on his balcony the night before. The table lay on the ground in two pieces as he sat staring at it when he arose. His mind worked on what he might have done wrong. Part of him wanted to retreat and let time take its toll... but that didn't appear to be having the effect he wanted. The only thing that he could think is that Kris' tirade was a cry from her... a cry that he hoped by his kindness he hadn't let go neglected. There was no desperation in his mind now as he stared at the table. This was a different Sylvain than the night on Yavin, and he was comfortable in his decision.

He sent her a message.

Hey Kris, I think we need to talk. Can you come to my place?

[Kristal Serasai]

Alright.

That had been her reply, one simple word and she was off. Finishing up with her morning tasks, dressing and Kristal made her way to the Imperial compound. Walking the familiar path until she was once again standing outside of Sylvain's door attempting to look no worse for wear. Once there, she made her arrival known and waited.

[Sylvain Torsin]

The door opened quickly, as if he had been waiting for her. He didn't mind if she could sense that, for it was true.

"Come in Kris." He said with a hand guiding her to the couch. His tone was not harsh, but it appeared more serious than the night before.

The couch faced the outside balcony, a fact Sylvain had neglected to realize until he saw her sitting on the couch. He moved to her side and turned to face her.

"So... I've been thinking about last night... I felt that this is a crucial moment for us. I remember well my failure on Yavin IV, with you in the hospital. And so I won't push any further than is welcome. But your actions last night relayed to me that something needs to be done. No matter how much we try to move on... we've got to resolve some things before that can get started. Do you feel the same way?"

[Kristal Serasai]

Kristal nodded in greeting and simply followed the guiding hand. Walking over to the couch and sitting, getting a clear view of the balcony and now dismantled table across the way from her. Looking to him as he sat beside her she just watched, and listened in a rather muted manner.

"I.." her words caught in her throat, but she endeavored, "I believe so."

[Sylvain Torsin]

He nodded and weakly smiled out of the corner of his mouth, "I suppose it is fine if I start? I think that's how our conversations usually get going."

[Kristal Serasai]

"I do not know where to even pretend to begin," she said honestly. Leaving her hands crossed in her lap as she looked between Sylvain and the view just outside as if it might provide the woman some much needed answers. With that answer she merely waited for Sylvain to begin, hoping a bit.

[Sylvain Torsin]

"I think perhaps I do... but you can always tell me I'm wrong. I have been wrong a lot recently about you... but I hope to continually improve with practice and dedication." He replied sincerely as he continued to look into her eyes.

"Last night I was frankly quite surprised when I saw your reaction. For me... it created a series of thoughts which hopefully brought me to something of use..."

He paused, "First... I know you are trying. Trying more than anything to get past this... to build something with me again, that if not is the same romantic involvement that we had in the past... is at least a relationship of trust and friendship. What stands in the way of that... are my failures when we last met."

He breathed out slowly, "I have thought many times about those days... the way that things unfolded... my failed attempt at honesty to let you know that I was going to drop all other attachments for you... my coercive and inconsiderate tirade in the medical tent... the broken heart that you suffered through my senseless deeds undoubtedly left scars deep within you where you never let anyone into."

He motioned to her arm, "When confronted with the past... even in casual conversation... these memories only have a stronger effect. I have seen it many times in my own work... when one feels most comfortable, when feelings of peace and joy and happiness arise many let down their guard... and when they do the equally powerful emotions of pain and anger emerge. When occupied with other things... those emotions can be held in check... but as soon as the guard comes down... it is down for all types of feelings."

He continued, "That is why when you broke that glass it pushed you past a breaking point... There was no way to put up your walls, to protect yourself from both the pain and the joy that you feel when I am around..."

He paused, "Were I a better man, perhaps I could have calmed you down and asked you to stay and talk it out last night... but my failure on Yavin is still too fresh in my mind. I will not force you to do anything... you are Kristal Serasai. You can be entreated, supported, and coaxed into coming out of your head... but you will not be forced."

He smiled weakly and reached out gently to touch her hand, "But Kris... those feelings of pain... of incompleteness... those are the same one's that I have. I hurt you... I hurt myself... and I hurt us."

He looked intently into her eyes, "But Kris... what I have come to realize is that the only way that those feelings will depart, is if you let me in again... We can heal your wounds... We can heal mine... and we can heal us... but it has to be together. Neither you or me can fix this on our own."

[Kristal Serasai]

There was no doubt, she listened to each and every word as he spoke. Remaining silent as she allowed him to get out every word. When he finished the first thing that came to attempt to pass her lips was, I don't know how, but they didn't make it there. Though she wore the look on her face she pushed them back and forced up something else. Something... difficult...

"Why did you lie to me? How did you allow that woman to become so convinced she was the woman for you when you had me?" she started, trying to find the path forward.

[Sylvain Torsin]

He thought back, "She had convinced me of nothing Kris... I had begun pursuing her before you... I always felt you were beyond my reach... When I went out on a limb and talked to you about how I felt, you reciprocated in ways I did not expect. There was nothing more valuable to me than you... but I had expressed a commitment to this woman and could not crassly toss her aside like an ass... I am not a man who takes his commitments lightly."

He paused, "She offered a different path... a path of darkness; all the things the Dark Side embodies... She was confident that the individuality and passion she personified made her a better candidate than you for a partner. She believed me to be like a man she had fallen in love with before; she saw my willingness to sacrifice for others, and my tenacity as desirable traits... ones that she wanted to appropriate for herself. But as I spent time with her, and came to see the difference more clearly... I knew the decision I had to make. That is when I told you of her, and of my past. It was my intent to be honest with you, to tell you that I had been with her before we had come together but after serious introspection had made my decision to forsake all others because I knew you to be the woman I need... the woman who makes me whole. The woman who makes me the man I want to be..."

He let out a long breath, "But I fumbled in my explanation... communicated things that I did not mean... created in your heart doubt of my devotion to you... and of your own desirability.. There was never a moment when my love for you was not real and the highest of my devotions. There was never a moment when you were playing second fiddle to anyone, despite whatever they may have told you..."

He paused, "This was in a matter of days, not weeks or months... it was a rush of events in rapid succession... and along with the events of my father's death, and apprenticeship of Baras... the whole stream of events seems like a blur to me at times. I make no excuses for my actions... I should have never done a number of things I did... but those days were the days I felt most lost in my entire life... the only thing that kept me moored was you. That is one of the reasons I knew that you would always be the one for me... because no matter what else was happening around me, I knew that if you were by my side I would do what is right. To me you were my only lifeline... and like a fool I severed my own rope."

[Kristal Serasai]

For a long moment Kristal just sat there and processed everything. In part, she wondered if she had been wrong, had she been wrong about a great many things all this time? It seemed... between Shaisha and him now, it only seemed like it made sense. Had she allowed someone else to truly twist her perception in such a way that she had been reacting to something largely perceived? Sylvain had made his mistake, but perhaps he hadn't actually made the mistake.

None of it really mattered, none of this really mattered. Whatever she felt, however she hurt, there was something she had wanted for a long time but didn't know how to allow herself to take it.

Slipping forward Sylvain felt the warmth of her right, and the slight chill that clung to her metallic left slip around his core and pulled him in tight. Holding him for a good, long minute. Wordlessly.

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain wrapped his arms around her in return. He felt a bit of his own inner turmoil and regret slip from his heart. He held her closely and listened to her breaths sync up with his. For several moments there were no words, nothing there but his honest embrace and care.

Eventually he would whisper in her ear, "Never again Kris... never will I hurt you or make you doubt."

[Kristal Serasai]

There were no more words, not after that. However from the moment he whispered into her ear there was no doubt about her response as a weight seemed to fall off her shoulders. Letting herself be held by him as much as holding him in turn. There was a peace about it, and for at least this morning she had time to just stop and not think.

To just feel... well, loved.

/scene