Still in the Gardens (MM D7)

[Yslane Tssilla]

Yslane walked the Jedi gardens mulling over her earlier meeting with Thy and the disaster with Magpie. She wasn't sure yet what all this would lead to, and it was leaving her mind in turmoil.

[Nekoinu]

Lyshea Mersl was pacing about the gardens when Yslane arrived. She turned to the padawan with a blank look on her face. "I can sense you are troubled," she stated plainly, "What is on your mind?"

[Yslane Tssilla]

"Master Mersl," She managed a smile, "...its just been a busy few days. A few mistakes were made, so I am trying to walk the fine line between constructive examination and self-pitying regret."

[Nekoinu]

"You know, Yslane, it was brought to my attention that perhaps we may have been a good master-student pair." She gave a weak smile. "I have been undergoing the same, a struggle I have not weathered in a long time." A pause. "Do you wish to speak to my about your 'mistakes?'"

[Yslane Tssilla]

Yslane grimaced, "...the explosion yesterday....well one of the many....I was at them. Some kind of Imperial Safe House, we were there to deal with a plot to kill one of the Senators." She sighs, "It was fishy from the start, the source was a Sith...well I am pretty sure they are a Sith...codenamed Magpie. I suspected she might be using us for her own ends and right before the raid commenced I learned that the safe house was for a unit tasked with hunting her. But it blew up before we could leave."

"If I had been more cautious and closely examined the information prior to starting the raid....then maybe it would have been avoided." She frowns, "I rushed in when my instincts told me it was a setup. I was worried if we didn't act soon then this...fictional plot against the Senators would succeed and it would have been my fault for sitting on it."

[Nekoinu]

Lyshea nodded. "It is okay to make mistakes, Yslane. I will not tell you that was not otherwise." The woman maintained her solemn smile. "You searched your feelings and acted opposite of them. The worry for a Senator's safety mislead you.

"But I must reiterate that making mistakes is okay. I do not know of a single Jedi who was utterly infallible."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"I know....doesn't remove the sting though," Yslane's smile turns more lopsided and weary, "I did say I was balancing between self-examination and self-pity Master Mersl."

"You don't have all the details...but how would you have acted?"

[Nekoinu]

"I would have followed my feelings." A pause. "I also would have searched for potential outcomes in the future, although I am unsure if you have that ability."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"My only talents with the Force are in sensing others...." She grimaced, "I have probably neglected my studies in the Force..."

[Nekoinu]

"I thought you had talent in concealing yourself from others as well. Is that not why you had a disguise for so long?"

[Yslane Tssilla]

"Ah....no that was just a bit of psychology." She blushed in embarrassment, "Actually one of the Sith had noticed my connection to the Force before the dinner."

"Mainly I acted like someone who was self-conscious, scared, and largely inoffensive and meek. It worked for most of the Sith as they seemed to glance over the weak-willed bureaucrat."

[Nekoinu]

"I see. Well, that was certainly clever of you," she said with a faint smile. "As for your original lamentation, there is always time. You are such a young padawan, and a dutiful one from what I've heard."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"There are some that are full Knights at my age," Yslane counters, looking down, "I generally just try to do what is best....sometimes its just hard to know what if 'what is best' is just self-serving or if it really is the best for everyone."

[Nekoinu]

"Become a Jedi Knight is not a race, Yslane," the Miraluka replied softly, "And of course it is difficult. That is why I had you and the others undergo that journey three days ago. Despite the trespasses people had found, I believe it was a resounding success for some."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"I know, its still a bit frustrating given....." She sighs, "And I know impatience is unbecoming."

"I suppose it was....I certainly felt a rush of calm and others did as well." Yslane grimaces, "Though I can't help but feel worried that it may have unintended consequences."

[Nekoinu]

"You are correct. There are consequences that were not my intention. I believe I underestimated those outside of the Order. Any distaste for my actions is easily settled when we can work to resolve the issue. However, those outside are free to roam and make their own decisions." She sighed." Perhaps the Council is right in admitting only children as new members."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"Perhaps....its certainly easier to teach a mind free of preconceived notions," Yslane nods, "And in truth....I think some were overjoyed that offense could be taken, it lets them continue to build a narrative that is unfavorable to the Republic and the Jedi."

"But politics is politics." Another grimace, "You said you saw are visions...I spoke to Alys....Knight Cortess about our visions. There were differences but the structure of the narrative was similar. An unknown foe, an invincible monster, an inscrutable path, a inescapable fear, and a terrible choice."

[Nekoinu]

"That is why I am not concerned, despite my reservations towards using that approach again. I believe it did not diverge anyone's path from what it already was."

The Jedi Master nodded. "Each step is a representation of the Jedi Code. Make peace with your enemy, find knowledge to defeat your enemy." She smiled. "I am not surprised you were able to complete it."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"You have considerable faith in me." Yslane frowned, "I certainly didn't think I would make it through a few times."

"And I felt the Dark Side pull at me throughout the whole vision."

[Nekoinu]

"Of course you felt the Dark Side's pull. I feel it myself from time to time. However, that does not mean that we succumb to it."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"...but it was disturbing that it pressed against me through out the vision," Yslane frowned, "I didn't feel the calm influence of the Light Side at all."

"Were you able to see my vision? I know you attempted to guide some through their own."

[Nekoinu]

"Perhaps it was your darker impulses coming fully out. I certainly do not view you as the sort in everyday conversation."

Master Mersl shook her head. "I did not see the full details of your journey. I only know the general feeling that was experienced in the journey."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"Most of my visions concerned the war and suffering it caused....my final choice was between saving my brothers and sisters in the Order and the masses of people whose lives were ruined in this war."

Yslane looked down, "It was a cruel choice."

[Nekoinu]

The Jedi Master remained pensive for a few moments. "Interesting. I believe most people undergo a single sacrifice. You saw much more than that."

She bowed her head. "How awful."

[Yslane Tssilla]

"I assume the intent was for the one closest to me...." Yslane grew visibly uncomfortable, "I... don't have anyone close to me like that...many dear friends but..." She shrugs.