Advice from the past (D8 MA Aphrs room)

[Aphr Ahaya]

It had been a few hours since Zenos call. A few minutes since she had left Galen to return to her room. Yet she was already nearly in tears. First her stupidity in being influenced by Zhorrid, then her failure to even be useful with Galen and Zeno. She was exhausted, and upset, and full of self-loathing at this point.

"I'm not cut out for this...why does anyone think I have some innate strength?" She wiped s few tears away with the back of her hand before taking the cube out from her pocket again. She placed it down in the middle of the table, and activated it.

"Grandmother? Are you there?" She asked weakly, expecting the worst after her day.

[Dapper Dog]

"Aphr, what disturbs you?" she says as the holocron activates and the gatekeeper... her ancestor appears.

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr closed her eyes, her head in her hands. "Oh grandmother...I'm so weak. I don't know why you believe in me. I've made terrible mistakes and just proven my uselessness. I dom't know what to do."

[Dapper Dog]

"Mistakes are a natural part of any life, we learn more from what we do wrong than what we do right. Maybe you should start at the beginning," the image replies.

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I've been...helping Moyr dealing with a woman. A Sith lord that has been harassing her. I know what you're going to say but I wanted to help her" she shook her head "and the woman seems to have taken an interest in me, so I was keeping her distracted on me. I know, it sounds really stupid when I speak it out loud, but it's helped Moyr a lot."

She paused, opening her eyes and looking at her ancestor "she helped me...making this" she puts the saber on the table "it radiates Dark Side. This Sith lord...her influence and the swords influence...I killed a chained up slaver with the sword. I feel so guilty about it. Then...I was assisting with helping capturing an Ackley. I left someone to be mauled by it, and couldn't do anything. I've been too weak, to easily influenced. I feel ashamed of my actions."

[Dapper Dog]

"So what will you do not, simply give up?" the holocron image responds.

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I don't know. I...I'm afraid" she admitted

[Dapper Dog]

"Fear leads to darkness, when we give into fear we give in to our baser natures," she responds.

"What scares you so?"

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I'm afraid of how easily the darkness manipulates. That woman, this saber...I didn't even stop to consider what I was doing. I...I don't want to be like her, to kill like she does with no reason or for entertainment" she shakers her head "I don't like it."

[Dapper Dog]

"I am so sorry you have had to suffer this darkness. I know you want to do good, to be a good person," the holocron replies.

"I still believe in you, believe in the promise you could be."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I don't understand how anyone can believe in me" Aphr said to herself with a sigh "I'm sorry to have bugged you to listen to my embarrassing situation...I just wanted your advice."

[Dapper Dog]

"I believe in the best of people Aphr, even Moyr may redeem herself one day. No one becomes who they are meant to be overnight it is a journey, one that can take a lifetime," the holocron responds.

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr nodded, looking down at her hands. "Can you tell me more about the Jedi? The Jedi from your times I mean...I only know one Jedi now that I trust, but they can't all be like this."

[Dapper Dog]

“Jedi are selfless, we believe in aiding others and service to the galactic Republic but in practice that extends to all peoples of the galaxy. Many see the Jedi as simply warriors even some Jedi, but we are keepers of the peace first and foremost and our strongest trait is our belief in diplomacy and the eradication of suffering.”

The holocron image adds, “We eschew dark emotions and those emotions that lead to deep attachments, not out of any need to be detached but because such attachments can lead to poor decisions and encourage actions taken that can lead to the Dark side. It is a difficult subject for many Jedi. For myself it meant stepping away from my family, I always cared for them, but not to the exclusion to my concern for all others.”

“We must not be afraid to let go, all things are of the Force and all things return to the Force. Fear is the basest of emotions, the source of selfishness, anger, and violence. These are anathema to any Jedi. To be a Jedi is a commitment, and not a path for all.”

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr nodded, a thoughtful expression.

"So to be Jedi is to protect and aid. To help. However...." she paused, a small frown "you say you stepped away from our family. I...I don't think I can. I've also spent my life around emotion, working here under the Hutts. So...how can I be what you want me to be, if I have all of this? I don't think the Jedi now are like that though?"

Mentally she added Baes hasn't let go, she's a Jedi...

[Dapper Dog]

"It isn't a choice for everyone and even some Jedi struggle... many do. It is a life long journey of understanding no Jedi begins as a paragon of the Order. We all stumble, make mistakes," she replies.

"Yet holding to attachments... in time attachment can become obsession, when that attachment controls your reactions, that is when the danger comes."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Family is different though, surely? Or does every Jedi give up family...partners, children, parents, grandparents..." Aphr frowned "if that was the case, you haven't given up on family either. You're here with me, after all."

[Dapper Dog]

“We set them aside for the greater good, those bonds are not easily broken but Jedi do not let those links define us. This is one of the reasons we prefer to train the young, the separation is easier. With age comes a great many attachments that are not easily let go,” she says honestly.

“I know many a young Jedi balks at the idea but it isn’t done out of cruelty quite the opposite. We are people and we have all the same faults and desires of any sentient being. The true Masters learn to replace specific compassion and love with a general compassion for all living things. They feel an affinity for all life, related or not.”

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Isn't it painful though? Lonely? While it's done to avoid connections, don't you also gain strength from those you love..." Aphr sighed "I guess that's the ideals of the Sith though, right?"

She paused, frowning.

"So if I was to follow this path...I would lose Moyr."

[Dapper Dog]

"You would lose Moyr regardless, and loss is not the right word. You can have those you care about in your life you simply understand the uiverse is larger than anyone of us and we are responsible for our actions, we must stay clear minded. Our responsibility is larger, you can be close to others but it cannot be the motivation of your thoughts and actions."

She adds respectfully, "But that comes with time, Aphr it is a journey not a destination."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"No" Aphr shook her head "she is my sister. She isn't my motivation, but she is dear to me. I won't just let her go, I can't do that. We've been apart for too long."

Aphr finally turned to look at her ancestors spirit again.

"I will make mistakes, lots of them I'm certain. But I know I can get through them."

[Dapper Dog]

“You will have to decide what is right, Aphr but if you join her she will guide you to the dark that is who she is. I know you want to be with her but that is the path before you, she is your sister, she is my blood but even I know only she can choose to turn back and she will not,” she says.

“She may never hurt you deliberately but Sith know nothing of loyalty, and even more they expect their apprentice to try and destroy their master. That is how things are done.”

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Maybe she can be guided away from that path..." Aphr said slightly hopefully, knowing it was unlikely "and destroy their masters? What a...strange way."

[Dapper Dog]

“They believe it makes them stronger to eradicate the weak,” she responds.

[Aphr Ahaya]

"But they should use strength to protect instead of that" Aphr said with a frown "that's what I want to do. Protect, help, care for."