Family Happens [The Bitch, EE8, Closed]

[Moyr Ahaya]

"I am not angry... at you, dear. I couldn't be." She flopped on the metal seat. "But on our fucked up parentage. Where were all those sages of old when we fucking needed them most!"

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Maybe they didn't think you needed the help? I...I can ask her if you want if I talk to her again" Aphr felt more nervous now.

[Moyr Ahaya]

"So you assume she wouldn't talk to me at all. Probably she told you as much. Damn, bonds in this family are really something." Moyr braced herself and looked at the table in gloom, took the bottle and drank straight from it. "...Did she make sense to you?"

[Aphr Ahaya]

That stung. Aphr sighed, and shrugged. "She didn't confuse me like alnost every other Jedi and Sith I've met. She...wanted me to use the light side. Not to be a Jedi, although I think she would prefer that, but to help and heal, and be compassionate."

[Moyr Ahaya]

Moyr closed her eyes. "I want you to avoid Zhorrid, dear. She's giving the Dark Side a bad name. Letting her have her way with you is like leaving it up to a slaver to teach about human dignity. Because of her you're drifting away from me, into the traps the Jedi set up to compromise the only family I could reasonably ever hope for." She pouted. "If I don't exist for grannie Vayana, she does not exist for me either." She slumped and tied her lekku together. "In the end, however, your path is your own."

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr went silent, lowering her head for a long while. Contemplating what to say. A lot of answers, some angry some almost whiny, were considered and discarded.

Eventually, she sighed, and just asked directly.

"Moyr, are you saying we are only family if I become a Sith?"

[Moyr Ahaya]

"This is definitely not what I am saying, Aphr. But if you end up with the Jedi, despite any our mutual resolve to the contrary, being on opposite sides will objectively make it very difficult for us to behave like a family toward each other. The Empire and the Republic are at war, and the peace talks will not change much in this regard."

Moyr's eyes became glassy.

"I will always love you. I am just not looking forward to us being split again by politics."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I don't agree" Aphr shook her head "I don't care about the war. I don't care about the Empire or the Republic. Yes, we would be on...different sides" Aphr sighed "but I wouldn't see you as anything more than my brilliant, strong sister that I will always love."

She closed her eyes, and finally asked the question she was dreading an answer to.

"Moyr, you know me. You've known me as a child, and you know me now. Do you think I'm strong enough?"

[Moyr Ahaya]

"I think your strength is different than mine. By measuring yourself with me as your yardstick, you overestimate mine and underestimate yours." Moyr replied quietly, having closed the eyes to wipe out the glassiness and be able to look at her sister focused. "Passion is the only prerequisite of strength. And you are passionate about quite a few things."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Passion alone isn't enough though, surely" Aphr shook her head, opening her eyes "Zhorrid has no passion. She acts because she can, that's not passion. I...I am passionate about some things" she agreed "but I don't feel that what I am is enough. I don't have the will to kill like you seem to have. I..."

She paused, then shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I just feel like I'm doubting everything right now."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"She runs on hate, Aphr. That's a powerful passion too. Emotions are at the root of strength. To accomplish something you have to want it, to be ready to mobilise yourself to reach for it. The reason provides you with excuses why something shouldn't or can't be done, but your natural drive knows otherwise. You just have to let the flow through you."

Moyr paused, regaining her centre.

"Like with how afraid of your companions you've been today. Or how you loathed how easy it was to kill. Each of those feelings could have become the source of your strength rather than weakness. It's a matter of training and experience."

She reached out, taking her sister's hand.

"Even this doubt you feel, it can change into anger or desire to stop being confused. Emotions are easy to reach because they are the most natural part of you. It is suppressing them that is unnatural."

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr frowned. She hadn't considered that. "I...I see" she nodded, thoughtfully. Strength from fear seemed so strange a notion, she couldn't really understand it. How could being afraid of someone or something make her strong?

She accepted Moyrs hand, moving closer to her once more, hugging her gently.

"This is really hard" she whispered.

[Moyr Ahaya]

"Think about it a little. What is fear? It's a powerful sensation or realisation that you may be deprived of something important. Your life, your loved ones, your place in the world, the integrity of your body and mind, all other things. The most natural reaction is for the body to mobilise for surviving the danger, for fighting back with all that you've got, like a tusk cat for her cubs. In fact if you learn to suppress fear rather than to ride on it, when you teach your body to turn against its instincts, this is when giving up your children to slavers happens." Moyr spoke quietly, tenderly embracing her sister and stroking her lekku.

[Aphr Ahaya]

Aphr held onto Moyr, listening to her words which opened up thoughts in her she had never even considered. It was true though, a cornered animal was more dangerous after all. Maybe she could focus her fear into something stronger as well. She reached up, stroking Moyrs lekku gently, a small smile on her face.

"Strength through fear. That sounds like little Aphr, doesn't it?" Aphr chuckled softly "if I can protect and help, fighting through the fear, that would make me happy. I just...don't know how to harness it."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"It will come to you, as it has come to me, my dear. Once your experience how it is, you will be able to hone it, be trained in it. This was my master's most important lesson for me. Know your fear and it will be your springboard. It is better to focus on being fearsome than fearless." She nuzzled gently at Aphr's forehead. "My fear of losing you gives me much strength."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"I wouldn't say i'm fearsome, but I understand the idea" Aphr sighed, but this time a little happier, feeling the warmth of her family around her.

What about Vayana? a small voice reminded her in the back of her head, which brought a few more doubts. What am I supposed to do...

"You won't lose me, and I won't lose you. I'm determined to not lose anyone again."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"Your determination makes you fearsome, dear." Moyr held hr breath. "Maybe you and I can improve on this deeply broken family we were born into."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"What is it most Force users say, the Force acts in mysterious ways?" Aphr chuckled "I don't feel the need to improve this family of ours though. I don't need to, I have my sister. Although I hope she'll be less of a risk taker from now on, she has to let her little sister find her way first."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"I guess I can hold back for a while." Moyr chuckled back. "I want you to find your way, Aphr. I will assist however you want me to assist."

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Thank you" Aphr said with a smile "I'll try and be quick with my learning. I'm normally quite fast to learn things, although this is far more complex so you'll have to be a little more patient with me."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"I promise to be." Moyr said simply, scaling down big words. It was just this, the elder sister believing in the younger one, wanting her to succeed in growing up to something. "I know you'll be fine." She cuddled her close.

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Thank you" Aphr said quietly, holding onto her sister for a little longer before finally releasing her, and smiling.

"How long until you intend to leave?"

[Moyr Ahaya]

"A few more days at most. I need to return to the Imperial space once the talks adjourn." Moyr replied, her eyes showing worry.

[Aphr Ahaya]

"Ok" Aphr nodded "So I have a few days yet to understand my future and direction before comitting."

[Moyr Ahaya]

"At least, dear. Even if we part ways for a while, I will find my way back to you."